Month: May 2016

Dave Read’s Moose

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn SenryuLeave a comment

Banff Trail
he shoots a moose
with his iPhone

failed haiku v.1 i.1

© Dave Read (Canada)

“Banff Trail” refers to a trail in Banff National Park–the oldest national park in Canada. Then we get this rather intense image of a moose being shot. But wait… when the third line comes, we realize the moose is only being shot by an iPhone camera. But this surprise is more than just wit.

Dave, I believe, is contrasting the old and new–a prominent theme in haiku/senryu. Banff National Park, as I said, is the oldest national park in Canada, and this is being contrasted with the freshness of an iPhone. And in this new generation, we shoot moose with our iPhone cameras rather than our guns.

I think this poem is a remembrance, however witty it seems on the surface, of how our old generation hunted such beautiful and epic creatures without remorse. Though we may chuckle at the poem, beneath its humor is a long history of making the moose almost extinct.

The “o” sound is prominent, with “shoots” “moose” and iPhone.” It gives a sense of distance and maybe the range of shooting either a camera or gun.

Though simple and humorous, Dave has given us a reminder of our past and how we have progressed as a race.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Eric Loman’s Window

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, SenryuLeave a comment

an old man 
at an empty window, kissing
only he remembers who

© Eric Lohman (USA)

I think this senryu or haiku (though I would lean more towards a senryu) is multifaceted. It seems sad, funny, and delirious at the same time. This is due to the mystery that Eric leaves the reader with. If Eric simply told us who the old man is kissing, then the poem would have less impact on a reader.

One of the key words in this poem is “empty.” Maybe the old man is in a senior housing building and the mundaneness of the housing grounds can be seen. And such simplicity can drive some people crazy. The old man might be all alone–his family not visiting him regularly, and he is indulging in a memory of a kiss.

When we imagine him kissing the air, puckering up, we get a sense that the old man feels a mix of emotions. This mix of emotions sharply contrast the boring senior housing or empty house he lives in.

I like how Eric put a comma in the second line and made the third line come as a surprise. This is a key element in haiku: surprising the reader. After the surprise, the reader can get a moment of spiritual or philosophical insight.

In the case of this poem, I think it is the insight that the life of an old person is much more complex than we usually imagine. They might stop speaking, but memories rush through their minds, and they contemplate a life lived, with all its consequences and blessings.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Marina Balmaceda Paredes’ Breeze

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn HaikuLeave a comment

spring breeze . . .
a new nun shivers
in the cloister

© Marina Balmaceda Paredes (Philippines)

We start with a kigo, or seasonal reference. A spring breeze could mean many things: how flourishing carries on, how a new beginning is prolonged, and so on. The poet uses an ellipsis (. . .) appropriately, signifying that something is continuing. Putting the haiku in italics shows the effect of the breeze.

From the second line, we have a new nun who is shivering. What is she shivering from? The spring breeze, excitement, nervousness, or something else? We are not told, but that mystery makes readers compelled to read further and to investigate the haiku.

In the third line, we have a cloister, which is a covered or open walk/sanctuary in a nunnery or monastery. So, it seems this haiku is portraying the first few moments a new nun has outside the actual nunnery. By having “a,” the poet leaves the experience open to other nuns as something universal.

Personally, “shivers” sounds spiritual to me. It could be the feeling of the holy spirit, and the spring breeze is also reminiscent of the holy spirit that is supposed to flow through holy people. The poet left just enough room for us to ponder it and to find something remarkable in its juxtaposition.

The sound of the haiku is important too. “new nun” has alliteration and sounds better than “novice nun.” The “i” sound in “spring” “shivers” and “cloisters” makes reading it more impacting.

An all around strong haiku.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)