Month: December 2019

Antonietta Losito’s Autumn Walk

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku7 Comments

autumn walk
trying to exchange my breath
with trees

– Antonietta Losito (Italy)

An autumn walk is one of my favourite activities. It’s not simply a walk but a therapeutic process where I feel relieved by being a tiny part of this universe. Autumn is a shifting point where one season transforms into another, leaving profound memories behind.

In this haiku, I can feel the depth of those feelings where a person exchanges their breath with trees in a symbiotic way. It’s a win-win situation–everyone gains benefits from each other. I can see how one can be beneficial for others in order to bring peace and prosperity, as it’s a universal phenomenon that one cannot exist without interacting with others.

So, this beautiful haiku shows the long-term purpose of life or the ultimate goal of life: to bring peace within and around as well.

As a side note, I personally liked the ‘t’ sound that resonates in every line of this haiku.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

Autumn is a time when nature is deterioating. I believe the poet felt for the plight of the trees at this time. She wanted to exchange breath, or life, with the being that brings her fresh oxygen and materials for her home.

You can also see this act as kinship. At a time when things are falling apart, the poet wanted to bring nature and humanity together.

The elongated syllables in the haiku and its pacing reminds of an autumn walk. I think the two verbs work fine, as “trying” creates a stronger scene.

Overall, this haiku displays compassion, communion, and the link between nature and humanity.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

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AUTUMN_WALK_PAINTING_Thumb_copy_530x@2xPainting by Terry Harrison

Robert Kingston’s Afternoon Sun

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, Senryu2 Comments

afternoon sun
a fly ends the sentence
in the crime book

– Robert Kingston (UK)
Bones Journal, 13, 2017

We got an interesting comparison (or contrast?). The fly, so intense and looming on the page of the crime book… and the afternoon sun, blazing and overwhelming. It could be a contrast with the black fly and the bright afternoon sun.

I don’t know if a “crime book” refers to a novel, a non-fiction book about crime, or something that the police use. But that’s part of the fun while reading this poem.

Back to the content: a fly usually comes to dead things, so a fly landing on the page is bringing something tangible to the reading experience of this book. It’s like the fictional and the real world collided at that moment. I think that is the “aha” moment the poet felt. The word “sentence” also has a double meaning: the literal one and the one referring to sentencing in courts.

Breaking down the sound, the long “oo” sounds give a leisurely pace and the “s” letters supply a sharp resonance–a good contrast.

The structure of the haiku/senryu is standard and does fine without any punctuation.

An overall playful and enjoyable haiku/senryu that has a deeper layer if you look close enough.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

This haiku takes me back to my teenage world where I used to read suspense novels and digests. I liked the way the writer conceived the idea of this haiku about a crime scene but also intrigues me to know more about the whole story.

“afternoon sun” is the time when our thoughts and feelings slow down due to the daytime activities and we want something that can make us relaxed and can rejuvenate our energies. I can feel the sense of getting involved in an activity that engages a person’s mind into something more complex and sophisticated like a crime story.

The fly could be a metaphor for something that bothers us or takes our attention away from what we are trying to focus on. It could be the thoughts of a person or any news or any distraction in the environment that lead us to reveal the mystery on our own or let our experience predict the next part of the story. It may be a point of haste where we don’t indulge in the step-wise process of mystery that is written in the crime book. It is the success of a crime book writer who plotted the story in a way where the curiosity of a person is distracted by the environment or surroundings, and it frequently happens these days.

I miss the reading environment these days where all my senses fully enjoy the book that I am holding in my hands.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

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1980-abstract-painting-afternoon-sun-40x50-r-baranet-6740

– painting by Robert Baranet called “Afternoon Sun”

Elaine Wilburt’s Shadow

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku1 Comment

crescent moon —
enough shadow
to imagine

– Elaine Wilburt (USA)
Published originally in Chrysanthemum 26, 2019

A crescent moon or a new moon is the start of a new month, which brings hope and energy with it. I take the crescent moon as a source of yearning for new dreams and plans.

“enough shadow” metaphorically has two meanings here: the dark side of the moon that goes into the light with lunar phases and becomes visible to the eyes, and the shadow of a person, which can be called a persona. In both cases, shadows reflect our desires that need time to get fulfilled. I could see a close connection to life’s stages and lunar phases, where a person grows physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally over a period of time. But before that, every aspect of life remains a mystery, like a shadow, and becomes visible once it gets enlightened by time and reflects our true self and/or potential.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

I feel this haiku represents a “glass half full” perspective. It makes me think about how something negative, depressing, or solemn can be seen in a positive light. Also, as Hifsa noted, a crescent moon represents a fresh beginning. With that, I believe the poet is expressing optimism for the path ahead on a new journey.

You can say, in addition, that when we look at a crescent moon, we sometimes to fill in the dark space with light through our imagination. We try to view the moon as full, even though it is crescent. So, the haiku could be speaking to our desire to fill in the holes in our perception.

The word “enough” is strong in this poem. It paints the scene perfectly, as it refers to dusk and the shadows that creep in at that time. It demonstrates the level of awareness the poet had when she wrote this haiku.

There is a potent sense of sound in the poem as well. With strings of “o”s, the pace slows down, reminiscent of dusk. With the ample “n”s it has, a feeling of dignity is given to its reading.

Lovely phrasing, imagery, and sound make this haiku impressive.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

If you enjoyed this haiku and commentary, please leave us a comment.

f26763ca0bec1bb194185f083953fa73
Painting by Kotozuka Eiichi（琴塚 英一 Japanese, 1906-1976）