Category: Senryu

Hemapriya Chellappan’s Monsoon Yoga

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, Senryu9 Comments

monsoon yoga
here and there
a housefly

Hemapriya Chellappan (India)
Failed Haiku, journal of senryu, issue 45, Sept 2019

I’ve been in India during the monsoon season, and I can say how exciting and intense it is to see the rain crash down on the streets. All the commotion is compared to a housefly buzzing around here and there. Something epic and something small in aesthetic unison. Also, it contrasts the calmness of doing yoga. So, you can say we got a strong juxtaposition in this senryu/haiku–and a touch of humor.

Technically, it’s easy to spot the string of “o”s in the poem. It stretches the pace of the reading, slowing us down like yoga. Plus, we got some “r”s and “h”s to make it more musical. In terms of the structure and wording, it’s an efficient senryu/haiku–not wasting a word.

Great imagery, a fine juxtaposition, and a keen sense of sound make this poem an enjoyable read.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky  (USA)

The monsoon season is a time of yearning and transformation where many views outside and inside get refreshed and soil absorbs a lot of stories of the mourning sky. The sound of rain, petrichor, and new views bring original perspectives to life–and if we shift our focus from our world to the inner world, as in yoga and meditation, we find it very soothing, as there is a direct and deep connection between a monsoon and yoga. The spirit of this haiku revolves around the aspects that make our lives toxic due to a lot of reasons and activities that affect us mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

In terms of the housefly, I believe it is a metaphor that describes the dirt and filth around us. So, when it comes to a monsoon, all that filth comes to the surface and makes the environment more chaotic and toxic. A housefly can also represent the disturbing thoughts that keep us restless and dissatisfied daily. So, it is a monsoon that makes things obvious for us so that we can concentrate on our inner world and find out the best possible solutions to the chaos around and inside us.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

If you enjoyed the haiku and commentary, please leave us a comment. 

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Painting by Iruvan Karunakaran called Charminar Wet

Robert Kingston’s Afternoon Sun

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, Senryu2 Comments

afternoon sun
a fly ends the sentence
in the crime book

– Robert Kingston (UK)
Bones Journal, 13, 2017

We got an interesting comparison (or contrast?). The fly, so intense and looming on the page of the crime book… and the afternoon sun, blazing and overwhelming. It could be a contrast with the black fly and the bright afternoon sun.

I don’t know if a “crime book” refers to a novel, a non-fiction book about crime, or something that the police use. But that’s part of the fun while reading this poem.

Back to the content: a fly usually comes to dead things, so a fly landing on the page is bringing something tangible to the reading experience of this book. It’s like the fictional and the real world collided at that moment. I think that is the “aha” moment the poet felt. The word “sentence” also has a double meaning: the literal one and the one referring to sentencing in courts.

Breaking down the sound, the long “oo” sounds give a leisurely pace and the “s” letters supply a sharp resonance–a good contrast.

The structure of the haiku/senryu is standard and does fine without any punctuation.

An overall playful and enjoyable haiku/senryu that has a deeper layer if you look close enough.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

This haiku takes me back to my teenage world where I used to read suspense novels and digests. I liked the way the writer conceived the idea of this haiku about a crime scene but also intrigues me to know more about the whole story.

“afternoon sun” is the time when our thoughts and feelings slow down due to the daytime activities and we want something that can make us relaxed and can rejuvenate our energies. I can feel the sense of getting involved in an activity that engages a person’s mind into something more complex and sophisticated like a crime story.

The fly could be a metaphor for something that bothers us or takes our attention away from what we are trying to focus on. It could be the thoughts of a person or any news or any distraction in the environment that lead us to reveal the mystery on our own or let our experience predict the next part of the story. It may be a point of haste where we don’t indulge in the step-wise process of mystery that is written in the crime book. It is the success of a crime book writer who plotted the story in a way where the curiosity of a person is distracted by the environment or surroundings, and it frequently happens these days.

I miss the reading environment these days where all my senses fully enjoy the book that I am holding in my hands.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

If you enjoyed this haiku and commentary, please leave us a comment.

1980-abstract-painting-afternoon-sun-40x50-r-baranet-6740

– painting by Robert Baranet called “Afternoon Sun”

Vandana Parashar’s War Zone

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, SenryuLeave a comment

war zone…
no one left to decide
who is right

– Vandana Parashar (India)
Cattails, May, 2017

I see two ways readers can interpret this haiku.

1) Both sides of a conflict have sustained great casualties, and ideas of morality are left outside the realm of comprehension.

2) War always engages in violence and in that respect, neither side should be able to decide what is right or wrong.

Both interpretations contain a sense of irony. It is ironic that we try to be moralistic when it comes to killing other people for land, resources, domination, and more.

I feel the ellipsis conveys the tragedy of the circumstance and the silence after an intense battle. The structure is standard, but the chilling “o” sounds strung through the haiku provide a strong impact.

I think this haiku, or even senryu, makes for striking but subtle commentary on the irony and tragedy of war.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

This poignant haiku takes us not only to the actual battlefield but also to the daily grudges and rows that are mostly endless and bring harmful effects to our lives. I have observed such situations many times in my own life where fights based on egos don’t end just because everyone thinks he or she is right and the next person is wrong.

The first line of this haiku is about a war zone: a zone that is a territory full of danger and harmful effects. The war zone indicates our mindsets and our egos with negative thoughts and feelings that disturb us mentally, physically, and spiritually, that bound us to not see out of the box, that steal our positive energies and act as a slow poison.

When one is in that war zone, one is not able to think or act rationally or logically. This is the level where we don’t go beyond our limited perceptions of the world and relationships, which makes us judge our relationships without having set criteria. We hallucinate about our surroundings and defend ourselves, merely giving reasoning to what is delusional and not reality. We feel that we are right and we justify our point of view with arguments without logic. We live with such delusions all the time which takes us to the comfort level of not being rejected, defeated, or surrendered.

Overall, this haiku is all about our negative attitude towards relationships when we are having trouble handling issues and problems. We end our relationships without even reaching any conclusion about who is wrong and who is right. We have a false self-image and we live with it all our lives and get involved in an endless war that we pass on from generation to generation without reaching any finality.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

If you enjoyed this poem and the commentary, leave us comment.

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“The Battle of Sekigahara” by Kris Knapp