Category: Senryu

Nathan Hassall’s Pivoting Jackboots

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, Senryu3 Comments

pivoting jackboots
more than the snap
of tulips

(First Place, My Haiku Pond Academy, Quickie Writing Challenge, May, 2018)
© Nathan Hassall (UK)

An evocative piece of work, where the juxtaposition between human and natural elements (the military boots and the tulips) produces a vibrant scene and a captivating sense of surprise. The “snap” of the flowers represents the pivot element in the scene, a twist that leaves the reader in a state of suspension and dismay.

– Luca Cenisi (Italy)

There is a very strong contrast between the soldier’s boots and the fragile tulips. The soldier’s boots, a symbol of oppression, and the tulip, an obvious symbol of The Netherlands. This senryu is clearly taking us back to World War II. The Netherlands – a barely armed country at the time Germany invaded Poland in 1939. – The Netherlands (my homeland) expected to remain neutral like it had been during The Great War. – I see the all-destructive war machine disregarding a defenseless civilian population. The Netherlands was just one of the countries where so many suffered so much during WWII, and where countless souls never lived to see freedom again, including a large part of my own family. It is for this reason that this poem touches me deeply.

The poem shows me a scene, similar to the march of the hammers from the movie “The Wall” (Pink Floyd). Militarism and suppression! Finally, I realize I haven’t even mentioned that the ku is skillfully written. So much to see, so much to say! By the way, great work on revising from your original version! I shall remember this poem for a long time, Nathan! My choice for First Place, without a doubt!

– Michael Smeer (The Netherlands)

I enjoy the use of the word “more,” which brings in a sense of mystery and openness that the best haiku and senryu exhibit. It brings my imagination into force, with all the possibilities of war.

The sense of sound adds greatly to the scene described. The most prominent letter in this poem is “o,” which accentuates the loss of life that is hinted at. Also, the “p” sounds imitate the “snap” of a tulip and even gunfire.

In looking at the pacing of the lines, the way line three comes causes emotion in the reader. With the suspense of the second line, and the surprise in the third line, the reader is left stunned and emotionally stirred.

A poem that can be read in at least two ways, that is poignant, that uses sound to enhance its expression, and that employs pacing to create the optimal effect in the reader—I can easily see why this was chosen for First Place.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Mark Gilbert’s Ceiling

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Senryu2 Comments

chemotherapy
those tiny imperfections
in the ceiling

© Mark Gilbert (UK)
Prune Juice, #22, July, 2017

I enjoy the distance between the two parts of the poem: the chemotherapy, and the imperfections in the ceiling. It is just enough separation to create a spark in the reader’s mind. One mistake haiku and senryu writers can make is having the connection between parts be too near or too far apart. This senryu illustrates a fine balance between the two.

Chemotherapy, as you probably know, targets cancerous cells throughout the whole body, unlike radiation and other therapies. This drastic approach is sharply contrasted with the tiny imperfections the poet sees in the ceiling, probably in a hospital waiting room.

The act of noticing these marks in the ceiling has several concepts behind it: it can be an act of thoughtless awareness, it can be the feeling that a small issue can turn into a big problem later, and it can be envy for the minuscule problems of the inanimate compared to human beings. Perhaps, there are other interpretations as well.

The metaphor of a ceiling is stark to me, as cancer patients may feel that their world, or “ceiling,” is crumbling on them. The barrier between Earth and the heavens (sky) becomes less and less definite.

In terms of sounds, the “p” and “i” letters in this senryu seem to be the most prominent. The “p”s in “chemotherapy” and “imperfections” add a punch to the reading. On the other hand, the “i”s in the last two lines make my attention more acute towards the stated image.

Directly from real life, and from a difficult situation, the poet has expressed much in a understated tone, befitting a fine senryu.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Nicholas Klacsanzky’s New Year’s Eve

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku, Senryu1 Comment

New Year’s Eve
and also father’s death anniversary—
I have forgotten both

© Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Failed Haiku, April, 2017
(from the book: How Many Become One)

Today, we have a special edition, as we have a father and son commentary team—Mark Salzer being the father, and Jacob Salzer being the son.

1. Obviously, he has not totally forgotten both, else he could not find the words to capture the moment, so I like the irony.

2. “Holidays” like New Year’s Eve, so insignificant in the big picture…dates are so arbitrary.

3. Father’s can be significant people in our lives, but dwelling on the date of death detracts from his entire life and all the entailed moments and meaningful memories.

4. It is good to forget those things that are not so important—live and enjoy the here and now. We all die eventually…embrace that as a part of life, but there is no need to celebrate it per se.

5. Also, it speaks to not concerning ourselves with things outside our control…dates come and go, people live and die….

– Mark Salzer (USA)

One of the great things we have as humans is the ability to forget. This haiku reminds us of this. Dwelling in the past seems to separate us from the “now.” It is always now. It is never not this moment. But the mind cannot understand this, as thoughts are only about the past and future. But we want to act now. Then, we can truly live moment by moment.

The past has its place, and can be referred to at times. It is a part of life, and, like my father has said, it’s important to remember meaningful memories. But it is not a substitute for the here and now. A reasonable resolution may be: remember yesterday, plan for tomorrow, but live for today, for the miracle of this moment is all that we truly have.

– Jacob Salzer (USA)