Mist runs fingers through
green tendrils of mountain hair
One soulmate? A myth
— Ivy Raff (USA)
Commentary from Jacob D. Salzer:
I think the first two lines are original and interesting. They show what the third line tells. I appreciate the notion regarding the dangers of relying on one person to meet so many needs in life. Ultimately, I am averse to the idea of a soulmate, which seems to have become a cultural norm in the West.
This is a 5-7-5 haiku. While there is nothing wrong with 5-7-5 haiku, I would encourage the poet not to be solely restricted to this format when writing haiku in English.
It’s also interesting to include questions in haiku. Most times, I feel leaving the question open to the reader is most effective. In this haiku, the question is answered, which may be too telling for some readers. Still, I feel the juxtaposition is strong. I think this haiku is an excellent start to a conversation about relationships, marriage, and divorce. An interesting haiku.
Here is a statistical article on divorce in the U.S.: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/
summer visit
mother fits into
a smaller hug
— Sushma A. Singh (India)
The Heron’s Nest, Issue 4, December 2018
Shortlisted for The Touchstone Awards 2018
Red Moon Anthology 2018
Commentary from Hifsa Ashraf:
Sometimes, we don’t need a lot of words to tell our loved ones how we are feeling about them. A heartfelt moment is enough to say it all.
‘Summer visit’ indicates vacation time or long days. Either way, the person wants to have spare time to spend with their mother after a long time. Summer days, especially in Eastern countries, are really hot and humid. People usually feel uncomfortable physically and mentally. They need someone around them who can soothe their feelings. Visiting one’s mother is mostly a profound experience where there is deep communication on both sides.
In this poem, we can see the power of non-verbal communication where simply a small hug can make a lot of difference and tell the whole story of her poor health. I also see other hidden aspects here i.e. departure, lonliness, grief, etc. that has a great impact on health. One can feel it if they visit that person after a while.
Lastly, the letter ‘m’ dominates in this haiku with some underlying feelings that are left unexpressed.
a goodbye
lost in the wind
morning swallows
— Daniela Misso (Italy)
Frogpond 46:3, Autumn 2023
Commentary from Nicholas Klacsanzky:
The first aspect of this haiku that I noticed was the pivot line. It can work for both the first and third lines. The two ways the pivot line can be read reveal potent meanings. The second thing that struck me was the sense of sound. The elongated “o”s in the haiku slows the pace and allows the reader to soak in the poem. The string of “o”s also brings about emotions, such as melancholy and sympathy.
With only eight words, the poet doesn’t waste anything. The words “lost” and “morning” are the most impactful, in my opinion. Both may be hints to the kigo or seasonal reference. This haiku could be about the migration of swallows and that being compared to a goodbye being said. In addition, it could be a contrast between the harshness of a goodbye and the joy of morning sparrows. Either way, this haiku strikes several emotional chords and is also technically efficient on top of that.
Kiyomizu Temple in Autumn by Yamamoto Shunkyo, 1891
Haiku Commentary 