Kelly Sargent – Page 2 – Haiku Commentary

hot sand
my son asks me
about sin

— Joshua St. Claire (USA)
The Heron’s Nest, Volume XXV, Number 3: September 2023

Commentary from Nicholas Klacsanzky:

Living by beaches most of my life, I instantly resonated with the first line. I’ve even seen shoes being melted by hot sand. Anyway, the concept of “sin” is extremely complex and nuanced. I suppose the son is a young boy who has recently taken an interest in either church studies or philosophy. Many times, parents don’t have succinct or clear answers to children’s questions, as they are still trying to work out the answers themselves.

I can feel the humor in this haiku as well, as perhaps the father has been dealing with some “sin” and doesn’t want to teach something he doesn’t subscribe to himself. In some faiths, it is taught that everyone is a sinner, and the hot sand is a fine representation of that.

Looking at the technicalities, I enjoy the “o” sounds that mark exasperation and the “s” sounds that mimic the hiss of hot sand. I also admire the pace of the poem and the twist in the third line. Finally, it has a clear kigo or seasonal reference for summer, which contrasts poetically and humorously with the topic.

mud season again —
the crow’s feet
a little deeper

— Kelly Sargent (USA)
Modern Haiku, Issue 54.2, Summer 2023

Commentary from Jacob D. Salzer:

Slight differences in the season and climate have a significant impact on the health of plants, birds, insects, and animals. Mud season is the period between winter and spring, and is marked by melting snow, rain, and mud. In this haiku, the mud is even deeper than the year before, which could be due to climate change. This haiku conjures up compassion for the crow who is or was stuck in the mud. This haiku could be in the setting of someone’s yard in a suburban environment or somewhere in Nature. While the haiku focuses on the crow’s feet or footprints, I simultaneously envisioned the crow’s strength as he or she flies away. In this haiku, I also think of Indigenous legends that involve a crow. In short, this haiku has vivid imagery and makes us think about our impact on the Earth and many other species. May we choose to live more mindfully with more awareness and compassion.

the longest journey…
a falling leaf
returns to dust

— Daniela Rodi (Finland)
Selected, 10 winning works, The 5th Basho — an International English Haiku Competition 2023

Commentary from Hifsa Ashraf:

It’s a concise poem with a clear meaning of death, annihilation, or transformation. “The longest journey” may be specific to death or a spiritual/inner journey. In both cases, the person reaches an eternal or purposeful destination. The falling leaf in the second line tells us about the annihilation, end of life, or transformation. A leaf can reflect life stages where one passes through rigorous experiences and eventually reaches the end where existence has become nothing or loses its superficial meaning.

A falling leaf depicts transformation, as according to nature’s rules, one stage of life transforms into another in a set period. ‘Returns to dust’ is about our origin which means no matter what, all of us have to meet our genesis one day in the form of death or the true recognition of who we are. The latter can translate to understanding the ultimate purpose of our lives.

This poem shows how selflessly a person continues their life after fading away, or after having deep experiences, where a materialistic life or possessions mean nothing and humility become one’s true virtue.

Painting by Sean McGrath

campfire sparks
teenagers
slip away

— Kelly Sargent (USA)

(published previously in Frogpond, 45:1, 2022; Touchstone Award for Individual Poems nominee 2022)

Commentary

“Campfire sparks” is a vivid image. It lets us pause and imagine the scene, which is realistic yet imaginative and subtle in several ways. One can wonder about the setting, which can be either a recreational camp or a refugee camp. It connects us with both sides of the story (visible/tangible and invisible/intangible) where one can see not only the mundane but also the spiritual side.

In addition, campfire sparks show transience but it also reflects how beautifully they are transformed from the ashes of wood into something that carves the darkness with their unique structure. However, they also demonstrate how our existence can become fragile over time, especially when it passes through hardship like the wood in a fire.

Teenage is a period where an individual’s personality is developing and reshaping. This is a stage of life when the focus can be more on heroism and risks that may end up in thrills and joy. Teenagers may concentrate less on lessons that nature displays than adults. Teenagers usually can’t see the subtlety or delicacy of life and its realities that spark off and on. This is shown in the closing line where the poet takes us from a vivid image to something that disappears either as part of the subconscious or as a memory.

With no punctuation and soft sounds in this haiku, the poem is more open for interpretation. I liked the way sparks are highlighted and well connected with perhaps the most significant part of life.

— Hifsa Ashraf

Campfire sparks are a powerful visual to start with. The sparks can speak to our primeval life and spirituality. The word “campfire” could be referring to a student camp or a fire made while camping—both are relatable for readers.

The focus on teenagers is interesting. It is a peculiar age to be, as one is in the middle of being a child and an adult. It is easy to be unsure of oneself at that age. With “slip away,” I feel there are several dimensions to it in the context of teenagers. The teens could simply be bored and want to go away to do other things instead of being around a campfire. Or, “slip away” could be more metaphoric in that teens often seem distant from parents and loved ones. It could also have a more somber meaning in that many teenagers commit suicide or follow a path that leads to an early death.

This kind of haiku is difficult to write in terms of the subject matter, but I believe the poet did well in keeping it simple and concise.

— Nicholas Klacsanzky

As a spark proceeds from the fire, it has been said jivas (individual souls) with their respective karma emanate from Shiva (universal Divinity).

I feel the campfire could be a summer kigo, though I like that this haiku could apply to any season or time of year.

I feel the campfire resembles the emotions of teenagers (which are often difficult to self-manage) and passion. The teenagers slipping away could imply impatience and wanting to express love, away from society and its conditioning. I also see the fire as a symbol of the transience of a human lifetime, though I do believe in life after death.

There is a balance of concrete imagery and mystery in this haiku, allowing us as readers to enter the experience in our own way. Teenage years are a challenging time. A powerful haiku.

— Jacob D. Salzer