Haiku from Deborah A. Bennett, Samo Kreutz, and Randy Brooks

first snow
caught in the willow branches
my mother’s white hair

Deborah A. Bennett (USA)
Under the Basho, November 2022

Commentary: I can feel the problems of ageing in this haiku, especially since the colour ‘white’ is projected in this haiku by adding snow and white hair. First snow as used in many haiku is a symbol of yearning, grief, stillness, contemplation, ageing, and deep feelings. In this haiku, first snow seems to project ageing and its issues related to either hardship, loss, and/or grief.  “Caught in the willow branches” seems to mean a tangled story of when life becomes more complicated with age. I also see white hair as nerves/neurotransmitters that are linked with memory. It appears the person has lost her memory or already suffers from it i.e. Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc. I liked the mystery and subtlety of this haiku which conveys many meanings in the most decent and precise way.

Hifsa Ashraf

neighbour dispute
the loudest of us all
a cricket

Samo Kreutz (Slovenia)
Modern Haiku, Issue 54.2, Summer 2023

Commentary: I greatly appreciate the perspective, meaning, and humor in this haiku. It reminds us that Nature speaks louder than a dispute with our neighbor. In general, I think a good question to ask is: during disputes or conflicts, can we take a step back and listen to the voices of Mother Earth? What does the Earth have to say? Indeed, human beings are only small threads in the infinite web of life. With a greater point of view, our lives and circumstances are put into perspective. An excellent haiku.

Jacob D. Salzer 

the wren’s garden
chattering in case
you forgot

Randy Brooks (USA)
haikuNetra 1.3, 2023

Commentary: What drew me to this haiku was the ownership the wren has over the garden. The wren most likely does not see the garden as human-made or cultivated, but rather as another part of nature. I feel the haiku makes us ponder about our relationship to the natural world and its beings. It also makes me contemplate about how something so small can be powerful and take up space. The “c” sounds in the second line bring alive the chattering, and the “e” and “n” sounds in the first line emit a sense of dignity. In terms of season, I would place this haiku in spring, as you see wrens the most during that time; the haiku as a whole has a spring aesthetic, in my opinion. Additionally, I enjoy the simplicity and phrasing in the poem, with “chattering” connected either to the wren or the garden itself. Overall, this haiku is charming, humorous, and concisely profound.

Nicholas Klacsanzky

Art by Ľudovít Čordák

Samo Kreutz’s thousand ways

kid’s bed
a thousand ways
to disappear

Samo Kreutz (Slovenia)
(previously published in THF Haiku Dialogue, December 2022)

Commentary

I greatly appreciate the imaginative space of this haiku. This haiku transports readers into books, stories, and dreams. As a child, my parents would read to my sister and I. These are wonderful memories that I cherish. It seems in our modern world, it can be easy to forget the imagination, but when we do this, I think we all pay the price. I feel our imagination is important because it opens our hearts and minds, and can lead to many different perspectives and creative ideas.

I feel “a thousand ways to disappear” is a great way to express being completely immersed in a book, story, or dream. 

This is a touching haiku that shows the power of the imagination, stories, and dreams.

Jacob D. Salzer

A lovely haiku that covers the stories of almost every person as a child. It shows the tangible and intangible aspects of life where a child’s bed is taken as a symbol of relief where one seeks solace and catharsis. The bed helps a child to become calm and have an uninterrupted environment where they can play, sleep, dream, and listen to stories. It’s a place that takes them to another world where they can freely think, feel, and do whatever they want.

It’s a domain where there are a thousand ways to see life differently when they are on their own and where all senses converge to provide a holistic perspective that is calm and content. Adults might desire to disappear into childhood memories, to feel nostalgic, or to have deep imagination/daydreaming that keeps them away from this chaotic world. I see this as an escape from reality where a person goes back to their childhood and gets lost in a time that was carefree and without responsibilities.

Hifsa Ashraf

There is no distinct kigo or seasonal reference here. That is fine, especially since it can fit in the genre of senryu. There is a time placement of early childhood, though.

The way the two parts of the poem fit together is intriguing. Something as overlooked as a kid’s bed as an adult is given special appreciation. The word “disappear” is the most crucial, in my opinion. It connects to both adult and child selves. The juxtaposition in this haiku or senryu reminds me of the saying, “From one, comes many.”

There is no punctuation in the poem besides the needed apostrophe. This gives more of a case for fitting in the senryu genre. However, the line between haiku and senryu, especially in English, is often rather thin.

The pacing, with a short first line, a longer second line, and a short third line, is common practice in the English-language haiku world to approximate the Japanese rhythm of haiku.

The concision in which the poem is written is commendable. The poet uses just the right amount of words with the most effective phrasing. It is fitting for such a simple, yet poignant subject. The chosen diction is on point as well for the mood of the poem.

The sound of the letter “d” in this poem is key. It provides weight to the poem and a staccato rhythm, which connects to “thousands” in an abstract way.

With a mastery of simple power, the poet delivers a nostalgic and perhaps melancholic form of celebration.

Nicholas Klacsanzky

BEDROOM IN ARLES | THE BEDROOM | 1889 | VINCENT VAN GOGH

Samo Kreutz’s train station

train station— 
among a pile of luggage 
dawn light

Samo Kreutz (Slovenia)
(translated by Alenka Zorman)

I have a certain affinity for trains. So, this haiku naturally piqued my interest. We have a scene at a train station where luggage is left on the platform and is either going to be loaded on the train soon or has already been unloaded. But, among these belongings is the light of dawn, applying its weight.

We usually think of luggage and possessions as our own. However, the world interacts with everything we acquire. It becomes a part of it, and in turn, becomes a part of us. In the context of this haiku, dawn light integrates with someone’s journey, even for a second.

The format is in the usual short/long/short form of English-language haiku. The poem utilizes a dash to cancel out the confusion of the second line becoming a pivot and allows the reader to pause and imagine a train station. There doesn’t seem to be a word out of place or of no use. It is a simple observation with meaningful consequences.

The drawn-out “a” sounds of “dawn,” “train,” “station,” and “luggage” show the casual pace of the train station. The light “l” sounds display perhaps the faintness and beauty of dawn light.

It’s a universal haiku that speaks to our relationship with nature and how we don’t truly own anything.

Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

A train station is no less than a place for yearning for dreams, reminiscing about memories, feeling nostalgic, and having personal experiences, especially when alone. Moreover, a train station can be related to the departure and arrival of mental states a person can go through on their journey.

A pile of luggage is no less than a burden for a person who is already passing through any of the above-mentioned experiences that keep them engaged mentally or psychologically. In that case, luggage is merely a burden that a person holds but does not relate to or feel any association with. In other words, if train stations are life, a pile of luggage may be desires, longings, and wishes that stays with a person throughout life and they cannot fulfill them.

In my opinion, dawn light is a hope that encourages a person to keep yearning for one’s dreams and wishes and move on in life.  

Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

“Arrival of the Normandy Train, Saint-Lazare Train Station” (1877) by Claude Monet