Taofeek Ayeyemi’s withered blossoms

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku2 Comments

withered blossoms —
locals packing the remains
of a bomb blast

(previously published in Creatrix, Issue 49, 2020)
— Taofeek Ayeyemi (Nigeria)

This haiku starts with the word ‘withered’ which shows a lack of life or annihilation. If we imagine ‘withered blossoms’, they can look dark, black, dry, and drooping—in other words, like destruction.

Relating ‘withered blossoms’ to a bomb blast site sketches the scene of a bomb blast area that appears more dark, black, and withered. Similarly, packing the remains of the blast is akin to collecting memories

If we relate this to our lives, it means our memories are probably traumatic ones that fade away or wither with time. We keep reminiscing about what is left behind.

This haiku tells me that life goes on even after hopelessness, destruction, and chaos.

— Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

“Remains” is a chilling word in this haiku. It can mean materials but also people. This poem could be either associating packing the remains after a bomb blast with withered blossoms, or locals physically packing the withered blossoms away as a souvenir or for another reason.

The withered blossoms can be acting as a symbol of the bomb blast as well. Our wars make our lives like these degenerated blossoms. It could be alluding to how we are born innocent and later become corrupt.

“withered blossoms” is either an autumn or winter kigo, but I would lean towards autumn. I get a sense that the poet is speaking about human atrocities as humanity’s “autumn.”

The em dash in the first line gives proper weight to the subject and allows us to pause. The format is standard for English-language haiku and just enough words are used to convey the feeling and message of the poem. Note also the string of “o” sounds that may give us an idea of the sound of the bomb.

Overall, this is a haiku that weaves themes of innocence, war, nature versus humanity, and possibly more. Though simple on the surface, it lends to several readings and has a substantial power behind it.

— Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

Painting by Vincent van Gogh

Joshua Gage’s distant stars

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn HaikuLeave a comment

distant stars
a crow’s shadow
sweeps the fresh snow

— Joshua Gage (USA)
(previously published in Presence 63, 2019)

“Distant stars” is a subtle expression that provides a lot of resonance. It’s something you can see as a mere dot but still reflects its own light in the dark sky.

‘Distant stars’ here may indicate less visibility due to fog or dense air. It also seems to show the longings and desires that are more visible during a silent winter.

Moving on to ‘a crow’s shadow’, it may be the persona an individual holds onto while being a guardian, protector, or dreamer. A crow never fails to bring out various emotions in us through its cawing and unique attributes.

The word ‘sweeps’ is used efficiently to perhaps show how dreams or hopes end over a period of time. I take fresh snow as a representation of our vivid memories that stay for a short while but leave a huge impact.

I can relate distant stars to ‘longings’, a crow’s shadow to ‘maturity, wisdom’, and fresh show to ‘vivid or temporary memories’. Together, it’s a fantastic combination of sight where light, shadow, and snow beautifully relate to our longings that are not fulfilled but still come to mind to remind us that there is still some hope in life.

— Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

What I enjoyed right away about this haiku is the connection between far and near. Distant stars are viewed and in the next moment, the poet notices a crow’s shadow pass over fresh snow, probably in the moonlight.

This connection contrasts and compares. The sparkling of stars is akin to the glittering of fresh snow. The contrast is with the darkness of the crow’s shadow against the twinkling of stars.

The word “distant” plays well in this poem, as a shadow is a type of representation of the distance between ourselves and what we cast.

The word “sweeps” works wonders to liven the readers’ imagination. It also presents a great string of “s” sounds in nearly every word of the haiku. It gives the reader the sound of a broom sweeping a floor as if the crow’s shadow is really sweeping the fresh snow.

A unique image, a great sense of sound, and myriad connections give this haiku power and resonance.

— Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

 “Konjikido in Snow, Hiraizumi” by Kawase Hasui, woodblock print reproduction

Marilyn Ward’s monarch

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn HaikuLeave a comment

meadow grass…
the Monarch butterfly
lends its colour   

— Marilyn Ward (UK)

Grass in a meadow is the ultimate attribute of this feature of land, which distinguishes it from other fields and highlights its beauty. Meadow grass is also abundant with a variety of flowers, herbs, and small seasonal plants, adding more colours to it, and enticing beautiful insects to visit it not only for sustenance but also for whispering the secrets of nature through pollination.

The ellipses after ‘meadow grass’ holds our imagination for a while to imagine and enjoy being there, and feel and absorb the colours, and the site of an enchanting and lush green meadow.

This haiku reflects a profound relationship between nature and its creatures where the concept of compassion and kindness is beautifully presented without losing the essence of a great haiku.

The Monarch butterfly shows longevity, peace, and positivity with its radiant yellowish-orange colour like morning hues. The word ‘lends’ is wonderfully added in this haiku. It displays the symbiotic relationship between insects and the meadow. The meadow is abundant with colours and beauty that any small insect can go and enjoy fully. It appears to be a spring meadow where insects usually get involved in pollination and cross-pollination, and as a result, retrieve fresh juices to drink from the freshly bloomed flowers.

It can also be related to our mood that needs deep inspiration from nature by living close to it. The colours may also symbolize the ‘aura’ of a person with a deficiency of colours, energy, and enthusiasm, and the mere sight of a wide meadow boosts their aura and fading energy.
It may also show the blessings of a spring meditation that enriches our body and soul with the true colours of nature.

— Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

Sometimes we forget about the power of small things. A monarch butterfly is one of the most celebrated butterflies for its magnificent wings with an orange and black pattern. Even though it is minuscule in comparison to a meadow, it lights it up (from the perspective of the poet) to a great effect.

I imagine a meadow of green grass stretching as far as the eye can see and a single monarch butterfly flying around it, giving it color here and there. It is moments like these that bring happiness and awe while we are in nature. One cannot help but be enchanted.

As Hifsa noted, I think this is a spring haiku. The flourishing of colors surely comes in spring. Another aspect to note is the use of the ellipsis as a kireji. Through it, we can imagine the flitting of the butterfly and its carefree ways. The format is also standard for English-language haiku, with a short first line, a longer second line, and a short third line.

The sound of the haiku is melodic as well. With two powerful “m”s, you can feel the weight the butterfly has on the scene. There is also a string of “o”s, which provides a lilting feeling to the reader.

A joyful haiku that reminds us how the simple things in life can give us solace and awe.

— Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)