chrysanthemums
the thread slips from
granny’s needle

© Srinivasa Rao Sambangi (India)
Modern Haiku, Issue 49:3, 2018

This haiku is very intelligently crafted. “Chrysanthemum” is a late autumn kigo, hence the fragment itself sets a mood of decay and destruction. The slipping of the thread is poignant in the sensitive portrayal of the loss of abilities which we take for granted in our youth.

The fragment and phrase nicely use the technique of association. There is a struggle against the natural course of things, and in between the lines, we find a glimpse of grace.

One of the deepest haiku I’ve read.

– Pragya Vishnoi (India)

I have an old sewing machine from my mother in my possession, and every time I use the needle for sewing work, I can think of her presbyopic goggles and that thread that avoided the eye of the needle as if it were equipped with its own life…

In this way, this haiku of Srinivasa Rao becomes something that belongs to me, generating correspondence and the widening of perception—the qualities of a good haiku.

Melancholy, impermanence, and the sense of loss are linked to chrysanthemums. Fleeting humor is a classic element that enriches this very touching text. The rhythm of the verses leads from the slow murmur of line 1 to the fluidity of line 2, then almost pausing to savor a memory on line 3.

– Margherita Petriccione (Italy)

The overall theme of this haiku is based on ageing with loneliness and melancholic feelings. I can see a very deep connection between the chrysanthemums and the sewing. The chrysanthemums symbolises grief, sadness, or pain in some parts of the world, but it is also considered as a symbol of joy and optimism. That is why in certain countries, women used to embroider chrysanthemums on skirts, shirts, and tablecloths.

In this case, maybe the granny needs to embroider a chrysanthemum not just to kill time but also to bring back memories of her past. The thread slipping may show the ‘cultural annihilation’ or ‘change of time’ where no one follows old traditions. Being nostalgic, she wants to revive that tradition to overcome her loneliness and melancholy but ageing drains her energy to do so.

It also shows the transformation of time, culture, and traditions where different phases of life are replaced with something new with a little or more acceptance. In granny’s case, she still misses her past life that was full of festivity and traditional activities that are now fading away with time.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

In this haiku, I wondered if it could be a one-liner. But to me, line 1 has a stronger break in three lines even without the use of kireji, which is important because as a reader, it makes me contemplate the kigo word (how it is a fragment in this particular haiku and how it ties to the phrase in the two last lines), which is an all autumn/winter seasonal word in Japan and also its imperial seal.

Chrysanthemums are used as a health benefit for various ailments in its tea form, especially in Asia. To me, the juxtaposition between the words harmonizes rather than contrasts between the words “chrysanthemums” and “granny” because in China the plant represents longevity. What’s interesting to me is that the phrase “the thread slips from granny’s needle” to me can be interpreted in two ways, which can be tragic but if combined with the fragment and the history of the word “chrysanthemum,” there’s also the possibility that there’s nothing wrong with granny and the thread slipped from the needle from daily distractions of life.

In conclusion, this haiku is highly dependent on readers to create context from their own personal experiences, which I believe the author does a great job expressing by telling little.

– Fractled (USA)

The poets above have done a great job discussing the content and technical aspects of this haiku. However, I want to point out how the shape of chrysanthemum petals are akin to a sewing thread. In a way, the chrysanthemums take over the scene as the thread slips from the needle. This creates a continual sense of completeness.

In terms of sound, the “th” sounds in the first and second line make a sound similar to manual sewing. Also, I appreciate the musicality of “slips” and “needle.”

A strong image and powerful juxtaposition that takes a keen look to fully appreciate its beauty.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Did you enjoy the poem and commentary? Let us know in the comments.

– Art by Nishimura Hodo

sunset
dragging my shadow
back home

© Agus Maulana Sunjaya (Indonesia)

Akitsu Quarterly, Fall issue, 2018

A very melancholic haiku that immediately suggests the image of a homecoming in which the shadow, particularly long in the sunset, seems to weigh down the steps of the poet. But the shadow, understood as the double and sometimes as the denied part of oneself, can weigh on the spirit in a more subtle and devastating way.

I don’t want to be a psychologist, but this haiku makes me think about the fact that by not facing the hidden parts of us, which we often fear strongly, we sometimes expose ourselves to inconveniences of which we do not understand the nature of and of which condition. These are not minor choices, as they affect our lives. Even in this haiku, I feel the sensation of an unfulfilled dualism that results in frustration, all expressed with elegance and with a second line that expresses also in the sounds (double “g”) a sense of oppression.

– Margherita Petriccione (Italy)

This haiku reflects both the mental and physical fatigue of life where we spend most of the time facing and fighting different issues that test our cognitive and emotional abilities. It depicts the limited capacities of a person who, besides dealing with various matters of life, finally gets tired. It could be due to aging, where the sunset of life takes a person to the stage where he or she feels lonely and manages to live with great difficulty.

The shadow shows all the regrets, guilt, and bad memories that keep on following a person until the last breath of his or her life. Overall, a person who spends his or her days developing good relationships with people may end up being lonely, which also shows the insensitivity of recent human civilization.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

I like how the first line can be interpreted as flowing into the second line or as standing alone. Also, the simplicity of the language and the surprise in the last line is pleasing. Though the third line is unexpected, it is also expected. This is a common aesthetic in haiku, where the ordinary can be extraordinary.

Like Margherita, I also enjoy the sound of the poem. With “s” in the first line and the second line, you can almost hear the shadow being dragged through the grass. With “o” in “shadow” and “home,” I feel the melancholy is illustrated. A fine haiku from a technical point of view, and also from an aesthetical perspective as well.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Did you enjoy this haiku and the commentary? Let us know in the comments.

© Callum Russel

October morning—
falling one by one
my illusions

© Thaís Fernandes (Brazil)

This haiku reflects enriched experiences that are embedded in an October morning. October is a time of transition where summer almost surrenders to the colours of autumn. This is also the transitional period of our thoughts, feelings, and mood that are blended well with autumn shades. In turn, falling illusions is a process of getting into meditative thoughts that reveal the far side of realities. It also lets us jump into the autumn hush that brings forth deep, real meanings of life, and the person starts reflecting on his/her thoughts and filters them through the sieve of mindfulness. Mentioning the sound, the letter ‘o’ may allude to the recycling process of our thoughts and feelings early in the morning that redefines our current state of mind.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

In the first line, we get grounded in the scene. In Brazil, where the poet resides, October is an interesting month. According to holiday-weather.com, “October is considered to be a month of transition—a month that is characterised by increasing temperatures and rainfall levels, as the weather moves from the mild winter season toward the hot, humid and wet summer season.” In this sense, with this inference to a transformation, the juxtaposition with the next two lines works well. As the weather heats up and the rain starts to fall, the poet perceives that her illusions are also “falling.” She perhaps saw her inner state reflected in the nature that surrounded her. This brings a sense of oneness, that perhaps humanity and the natural world are one organism.

Getting more technical, I like the use of the em dash. It presents the idea that the poet has now begun afresh, without her illusions. An ellipsis could have worked as well. In terms of the structure, the format is standard, but the syntax is reversed in lines 2 and 3. However, I think “my illusions/falling one by one” or “my illusions falling/one by one” would not have had as much impact on the reader. Though Hifsa has already mentioned the sense of sound, I would add that with the “o”s and “l”s, this haiku sings.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

This haiku, although kigoless, does refer to a specific time. Even so, one might consider it a modern haiku. Then again, even if it did contain a kigo word eg. ‘autumn morning’ that does not necessarily make it a haiku either in a traditional sense (observation through nature.)

I do like this ku and its use of the em dash on line one, which gives the reader a sense of urgency or surprise, where I picture the poet finally seeing things as they truly are perhaps while meditating or under the use or entheogens, being half asleep, half awake, or what usually happens with children where one simply wakes up and see the world as it is for the first time.

There also seems to be an element of zoka in this write, which is:

‘The poet’s real enlightenment is his or her ability to open up to it, tap into it, and translate the zoka at hand into haiku. The poet recognizes what’s going on before his eyes and begins the journey of placing it into a haiku that relays what the poet has been vitalized with.’

Excerpt from Don Baird’s essay “Zoka”

https://www.underthebasho.com/essays/1714-zoka.html

– Fractled (USA)

Did you enjoy this poem and commentary? Let us know in the comments.

© Totonho