Eva Limbach’s Soldiers

On May 17, 2016May 23, 2018 By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn TankaLeave a comment

soldiers
took them by their hands
step by step
across the minefields
the wind

————————–

Original German:

von den Soldaten
an der Hand geführt
Schritt für Schritt
über die Minenfelder
der Wind

The contrast of the freedom of the wind, and the self-made dangers of war (minefields) is stark. I believe Eva is pointing towards how human nature has been separated from the natural world.

The languid pace of the tanka helps us to realize and come to the last line stronger. Though the last line is simple, it is effective and even shocks a reader.

From what I can read from this translation, the language is simple, but each word counts. I think Eva has got to the heart of an important issue without telling too much or explaining too much–which is precisely why poetry like tanka and haiku are so effective.

She truly used the “show, don’t tell” principle in this tanka. An inspiring work.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Marina Balmaceda Paredes’ Altar

On May 17, 2016May 23, 2018 By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn ShahaiLeave a comment

16+-+

Just the right pacing and the right words. We begin with “altar dusk,” suggesting that this haiku is about a religious or spiritual activity. With dusk, that activity is ending, but we have the ellipses (…) telling us something else might happen, or that the dusk is slowly carrying on.

The second line comes as a pleasant surprise. It suggests that there was music during the religious or spiritual event, but now another form of music is being played. But where?

The third line gives us the answer. The music is coming from outside. In a sense, the poet is implying that the religious or spiritual music is being playing on through street music. This concept bridges the spiritual world with the human world, and makes it one, though the poet skillfully does not say this directly. Oneness is an often-used concept in haiku–usually from surprising counterparts.

I like the sound of the haiku as well. “altar” and “another” have a nice tune, and “dusk” and “tune” make good use of the “u” sound, which sounds musical.

The photo adds to the imagery already in our mind. We see a street lamp, which can be seen as an extension of the alter lamp, but in a suburban setting.

I enjoy how the haiku and accompanying image portrays the thought that spiritual and religious activity need not be stuffed in a box, but can be expressed in many different forms, even street music.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)

Dave Read’s Morning Commute

On May 17, 2016May 23, 2018 By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku1 Comment

morning commute
the horizon bright
with headlights

The first thing I noticed was the sound of the haiku. “morning” “commute” “horizon” are connected with an “o” sound, whereas “horizon” and “headlights” have alliteration.

The second thing that caught my eye is how the third line came as a surprise. Reading Dave’s haiku for a while, I can tell that he is a master of third lines– making turns that astonish and intrigue us.

Third lines are often the most important lines in haiku, as they can create layers and imply different things.

For me, Dave’s third line here is about how humankind is replacing the natural world with its own inventions, and kind of canceling out nature. By reading it, we get a feeling of both awe and the dryness of modern life.

On the technical side, each word is used effectively and phrased well to have an effect on the reader. Being laconic (but not to the extreme) is usually a reward of hard work or natural inspiration.

If people have not read through an issue of A Hundred Gourds, I highly recommend it:

http://www.ahundredgourds.com/ahg52/index_archives.html

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)