Goran Gatalica’s Night Loneliness

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn HaikuLeave a comment

night loneliness —
a line of hoofprints
in the snow

– Goran Gatalica (Croatia)
The Mainichi, 3/9/2020

In loneliness, sometimes we feel empty yet alive at the same time. I think the poet wanted to express this by showing the image of a line of hoofprints in snow. As a reader, I’m imagining fairly fresh deer prints in snow. They are impressive in their emptiness, similar to how grand a lonely night can feel. Since the haiku mentions snow, it’s safe to assume this poem refers to winter. In this season, loneliness is even more acute. Winter loneliness can feel like a stamp on the mind like a hoofprint in snow.

In terms of the structure of the haiku, it has a standard rhythm of a short first line, a longer second line, and a short third line. The dash allows readers to have more time to let the feeling of loneliness soak in, plus it associated well with the word “line.”

For sound, the most prominent letter is “i” with “night,” “loneliness,” “line,” “hoofprints,” and “in.” Tn my eyes, this succession of sounds brings about a sense of starkness that is akin to winter loneliness.

All these elements point to a haiku rooted in feeling, season, and a connection between human nature and mother nature.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

This haiku contains all the mysteries of a night that we usually imagine when sitting near a fireplace. If we dig deeper into this haiku, I find a melancholic self who is desperately looking for some dawn light.

Night loneliness depicts the winter night when nothing prevails but deep silence. I feel the loneliness symbolizes both inner and outer conditions. So, we can interrelate our loneliness with the outer world where our thoughts and feelings are in sync with the environment.

A line of hoofprints may indicate the long but slow journey of a person’s life that is more static at the moment. These hoofprints are in the snow which indicates the intangible struggle of life where we have to use extra energies to wade through tough periods of life.

In terms of sound, the letter “o” here shows the endless cycle of struggle that a person goes through to survive.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

Hoof prints

Srinivas S. Chennai’s Evening Rain

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku1 Comment

silently
the gossip spreads
evening rain

– Srinivas S. Chennai (India)

(Haiku Presence, Issue 64)

We daily come across a lot of information that’s based on the individual perceptions and understandings of various realities and experiences spread all around us. This is the era of information and news where a small expression or thought may take less than a minute to spread like a fire.

In this haiku, the gossip silently spreads all over because of the sensitivity of its nature. I may take the gossip as part of certain taboos that need to be broken. This gossip might not be accepted by the masses but still finds its place among people. This gossip may be less important before it’s being spread but becomes significant once it gets highlighted.

Evening rain is barely noticed by many as everyone is quite busy or tired due to their daily life routines. But, evening rain can subtly bother our mind or feelings. So, there is a deep connection between the sound of evening rain that is almost invisible due to the darkness and gossip that still finds it worth among people before they go to sleep.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

I like that this haiku can be read in two ways:

“silently the gossip spreads/evening rain”

or:

“silently the gossip spreads evening rain”

In the first way, the evening rain is being juxtaposed with gossip spreading silently. In the second version, the gossip is spreading evening rain. This is one of the joys of haiku, that a reader can pass through a haiku in various ways and arrive at myriad interpretations.

“evening rain” is not quite a kigo (seasonal reference) because every season can have evening rain in many areas of the world. However, with the poet residing in India, it might reflect the monsoon season. That’s why it’s important to know the context in which the poem is written to understand kigo.

Evening rain can be sometimes silent or loud to us. With all the events that have gone on during the day, our minds might be cluttered. With this buzzing mind, we might not be able to appreciate this sound of evening rain. However, there are times in the evening when we’re lonely and introspective when rain is a welcome sound to soothe our spirit. In this sense, “evening rain” might be either a comparison or contrast with the first part of the poem. It might also be associating each droplet as a piece of gossip.

The most prominent letter used in this haiku is “s,” and I believe there’s a reason for this. The poet might have wanted the “sss” clamor of rain reflected in the haiku. In the last line, the strong presence of “n” brings a serious tone and a sense of finality.

The structure of the haiku is standard with the rhythm of traditional Japanese haiku. The lack of punctuation gives rise to varied readings of this poem, which adds to its strength. A fine haiku written with an introspective mind.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

If you enjoyed this haiku and commentary, please leave us a comment.

Evening rain

– Night Rain at Omiya, 1930 by Kawase Hasui (1883 – 1957)

Kala Ramesh’s thousand flutes

On By Nicholas KlacsanzkyIn Haiku3 Comments

a thousand flutes
from the bamboo forest
summer’s end

– Kala Ramesh (India)
Published in Modern Haiku 48:1. Winter/spring 2017

This lovely haiku takes me back to the East where every single aspect of nature works rhythmically. I love the sound and sight of this haiku. It brought a smile on my face and pulled the strings of my heart.

A thousand flutes could mean a thousand folk stories, a thousand journeys, a thousand years, or a thousand seasons which unanimously take the writer back to those thousands of moments that she has spent throughout her life. These nostalgic feelings stir the current inertia where she is missing her past the most.

I can also feel the resonance of thoughts and feelings that are in great synchronization with nature and brings harmonious and peaceful waves of wind to sooth both the heart and mind. The flute is a great instrument for touching the core of the heart, especially when there is silence all around. So, I can feel the meditative mood of all aspects of nature, including the person that is connected through the rhythm of love and peace.

The summer’s end means, in my opinion, a transformation where one can relate to and reciprocate with the positive vibes that comes on the way. I feel as if the person has achieved the state of mind where she can listen to nature with its true colours and enjoy the songs of love and change.

– Hifsa Ashraf (Pakistan)

What I noticed first in this haiku is the pivot line. “from the bamboo forest” connects with the first and second line, so that the poem can be read in two ways.

The next thing that came to mind while reading this haiku is the song of the bamboo forest as wind passes through it. It is a wonderful and fitting tribute for the end of summer. Bamboo is light and the music it occasionally makes when wind goes through is soothing, which associates well with the mood of summer. For bamboo to make that sound, it would have to have holes in it or be cut, or perhaps the poet is speaking about people who made flutes from a bamboo grove and are now performing a ceremony or concert. But, I like the idea of spontaneous music from the forest more, as it makes the song for the end of summer even more poignant.

Commonly, the kigo, or seasonal reference, will appear in the first or second line of a haiku. But in this case, having the kigo come in the third line works well, as having the poem finish with the word “end” is fitting.

In terms of sound, the most prominent letters are “o,” “s,” and “f.” Hearing the “o” sounds bring about what is akin to the song of bamboo in wind. Perhaps the “f” and “s” sounds can reflect the music of bamboo leaves flitting in the wind.

The pacing of the lines is similar to the traditional rhythm of haiku and the lack of punctuation allows the pivot line to work its magic.

Though this haiku can be seen as melancholic, the song of the bamboo flutes gives it a sense of joy. It is a fine haiku with a deep mood and strong technical elements. It teaches us that there are extraordinary moments in what seems ordinary and that we should pay attention to our surroundings carefully to witness these special moments.

– Nicholas Klacsanzky (USA)

oil-painting-stylized-photo-of-bamboo-forest-greir

– Stylized photograph by G. Greir